Revolution Round 2

What's up, The Black Community? Where y'all been? It's almost time for the fall semester, and Summer B came and went while nobody noticed. It was the most barren Summer B of all time, OF ALL TIME KANYE. Shit, even The Set Is Dead was dead for a while. Maybe ninjas were actually studying this Summer B. Nah, never that. 8 Year Graduation plan for life! We were just about to write about how uneventful Summer B was this year, when The Black Community intervened earlier this week with this newfound Twitter Revolution. We weren't even going to touch this one. We were once a Twitter Philosopher for a day and organized a Revolution to revive The Set, and we all remember how that went. Epic Fail. It wasn't one of our proudest moments.

Apocalypse

It’s 2012, The Black Community, meaning that the Florida Blue Key Illuminati is hastening their plans to destroy the world in December. They’ll destroy UF piece by piece before finally turning their eyes to The Black Community. But they don’t need much help. The Black Community is already heading towards Armageddon. Bernie “The Finance Furher” Machen and his SS Dean of Student’s office looms over the campus, ready to expel any Black Person that steps out of line. BSU gets less money every year, at least that's what UNITE tells us when they try to brainwash us into voting for them. Nevermind constantly having Black People in executive positions. Finally, The freshman class gets lamer by the decade, making UF the most boring place to live since The Polos. This could be the end of The Black Community as we know it.

The Treatise of The Greeks

We keep on rolling, The Black Community, and we find ourselves in the midst of NPHC Week. Hundreds of potential hopefuls will attend all the events, convinced that they will be making a good showing to some organization, only to be slapped in the face with the unexpected: There is no Greek reward for attending the events! You’d be better off playing hide and go seek with interest meeting flyers around campus. One event, however, intrigues us “True Life I’m Greek: The Miseducation of Black Greekdom & This Title’s Too Long” Hosted by Lauryn Hill. We predict a heated debate, full of high emotions and weave throwing. Here’s our take on the event to come.

Back At It: #FirstDaySightings

UF Back. UF Back. Welcome to another school year, The Black Community. We come back from a wholly entertaining and eventful summer, to a rather tame first day of the Fall Semester. Could this be a sign of things to come? Regardless, the first day of class is a great day to watch and predict the outcome of the semester, as well as get a feel for the people we'll be crammed into STATUS with. Let's take a look at what happened on the first day back.

Incoming Freshman Report. Yep, They Hood.

Summer B is right around the corner, and its that time to scope them out and see what we are about to take in to the Black Community. The initial impression: they all came from Duval. Yeah, DDDDuuuVVVAALL! You can’t even walk in that city alone after 12 noon. It looks like UF has added some partner schools to its list in order to look “more diverse”, and boy have they succeeded. I wouldn’t be surprised if UF’s plan was to get the students they know will be here for 6 years so they can rake in more money. You know Bright Futures only covers a Burrito Bowl from Chipotle now.

As evidenced by the few house parties and Oasis events, these kids clearly don’t have any inhibitions or care for social judgement. The Venue will welcome them with open arms. The type of activities girls are scared to do when AKA’s and Deltas are in the vicinity, these freshmen girls were doing full force. The freshmen guys are a mix of Waka Flocka and Chris Brown. Half of them will end up Beenie Wigglin’ in the club, the other half can’t even construct a compound sentence. Yeah buhlee dat cuz.

These students will have an impact like no other on the Black Community. They might even bring the set back. Just kidding. House parties should be more live barring nobody gets shot or anything like that. These ratchet new freshmen are already open to corruption. They’re already getting preyed on at Oasis events, taking pictures with Ques, and having “Clap Them Thighs” Competitions. You know what that means. The Oasis Talent show will be a feeding ground come next week. Better get you a dumb freshman before they figure out what it means to “Just Chill”.