The Treatise of The Greeks

We keep on rolling, The Black Community, and we find ourselves in the midst of NPHC Week. Hundreds of potential hopefuls will attend all the events, convinced that they will be making a good showing to some organization, only to be slapped in the face with the unexpected: There is no Greek reward for attending the events! You’d be better off playing hide and go seek with interest meeting flyers around campus. One event, however, intrigues us “True Life I’m Greek: The Miseducation of Black Greekdom & This Title’s Too Long” Hosted by Lauryn Hill. We predict a heated debate, full of high emotions and weave throwing. Here’s our take on the event to come.

 Somehow, the location for this event was changed and is now merged with a BSU meeting. Meaning the Greeks are just going to stroll in right in the middle of the meeting. No pun intended. Talk about intimidating. The Greeks and the BSU are converging in what will be the ultimate gathering of The Black Community, excluding FISS, and the failed experiment that was supposed to be #SetFriday (Whatever happened to that?). The meeting is quickly going to turn into an “Us vs. Them”, “Greeks vs. Non-Greeks” “We’re ironically having a debate with our future members” type of forum. The hilarity and satire that should come from this will provide great entertainment.

Expect the Greeks to play the victim. The celebrities of The Black Community will talk about how they’re so woefully wronged, and misunderstood, despite the fact that it’s impossible to walk through
The Set without getting a flyer jammed in your face. Or the fact that there’s stepping every Friday. Or the fact that each organization has great big enormous board THAT is SUPPOSED TO BE SEEN from 4 days away. It’s so hard being Greek. Nobody understands them.  Salty Independents that never made it will be in the audience claiming the Greeks to be the worst thing to happen since the Presidency of George Bush. And then IT’S GOING TO GO DOWN. Greeks will insult independents as if they were lesser people, and salty independents will ruin any chance of joining a Greek Organization. Freshmen will sit in amazement as the Rion Ballroom catches on fire. Or did that happen already?

Here’s the lure.

People join these organizations for specific reasons. Ninjas join for the prospect of being able to brainwash women easier. Those three letters do more hypnotizing than any black and white spiral. Quack Psychologists be on the lookout for job security. Females, on the other hand, join for status and peace of mind. Go to a probate, and you can hear the sounds of heads inflating backstage. “See, I told you I was pretty, and now it’s official”. Once they have all that, life is complete. . It’s almost as rewarding as being put on the #TTQ list. Small wins here people. Then the cycle starts all over again. The newly initiated members go on to intimidate and scare away any nice girls hoping to join the organization. But they were just so friendly the week before. Entitlement has a quick turnaround. Those frightened little girls have a lot of work to do. Being a secret agent and trying to attend the 30 required events to show interest without anyone else suspecting interest is more work than James Bond could even handle.

However, Independents have no reason to be salty, as they are indeed the lifeblood of the Greek Community. Believe or not, the Greeks depend on non-greeks for sustainability. Your favorite Fraternity or Sorority will be looking real dumb if they host an event and it’s as empty as The Set on Friday. But the Greeks won’t tell you that. It’s one of the most well kept secrets on campus, only topped by how to be inducted into the Florida Blue Key Illuminati. The celebrity monster is created every time girls catapult themselves at Frat guys after every step show. It’s just like we explained in “Salute Your Shones”, stop smashing, and there goes a man’s desire for pledging. So if you want to keep step shows happening, keep smashing. Everything we write is the truth. “Scary Sororities” are made every time girls are too intimated to ask a Sorority member l to borrow a pencil. SHE MIGHT THINK I’M INTERESTED! GASP! But the power lies in the hands of the Independents. Independents set themselves up for failure when they hold the Greeks to such esteem. The major thought on every organization’s mind is “What do the people think about us”? But all those fears are squashed with the presence of a fan club or “smash pool”.

Contrary to what Independents will say however, going Greek doesn’t infect members with a virus and then turn them into monsters. Being Greek makes you more of what you already are. If you were a dirty
ninja before, you’re going to be the best dirty ninja there ever was. Especially when girls have eye orgasms at the sight of letters. If you were shoning before, your legs will never meet each other again as your exposure to the community increases. Slackers before will epic T-shirt wearers after in their respective organization. Those are those mystery members that magically pop up during parties and step shows. Where they been? Lames will become even lamer, as only their line brothers and line sisters get attention. Tear. Greeks are people too, and are just trying to live out their college careers just like everyone else. There is nothing to be afraid of, only one organization actually bites.