We’re dealing with an ever growing problem, The Black Community, Twitter Philosophers. Black People Twitter has always had its abundance of problems, but the amount of Armchair Aristotles is becoming a plague on the Twitter feed. It’s already bad enough filtering through the Strictly Sunday Worshippers and their once-a-week praise Tweets.
It’s mind-blowing how as soon as one logs onto Twitter, they become a Certified Couch Confucius. Wake up around 9:30, and it’s flooded with “Rise & Grind” tweets, posted by people still lying around in their underwear fishing the eye boogers out of their eyes. It’s difficult to take life advice from college students, let alone peers. What tremendous life problems have these Twitter Philosophers overcome other than enduring a cable outage in Campus Lodge every time it rains?
After a quick perusal, it is apparent that the Twitter Philosophers spend more time trying to direct everyone else’s life rather than actually excel at something. It ridiculous telling someone “What we do in life echoes throughout eternity” when they have a new job (hustle) every next time you see them. No Uncle Ruckus. Don’t tell us “Take pride in yourself and everything you do” when you haven’t shaved in 4 months. Besides, there is no way that Twitter Philosophers speak that way in real life. Imagine going up to your homeboy and saying, “Wassup Man? REMEMBER, IF YOU DON’T TREAT YOUR GIRLFRIEND RIGHT, SOMEBODY ELSE WILL, did you watch the game last night?”. It would just be awkward.
It’s unclear as to what the appeal of being a Twitter Philosopher is. They could just be making up quotes and sayings for the hell of it. Half of these quotes are bullshit anyway. All one has to do is put the name of someone famous behind it, add some quotation marks, and instantly a life-changing quote is created.
“Don’t wife these shones, by any means neccesary” – Malcom X
Quotes and Twitter Philosophies are similar to faith. There is no arguing against someone that uses them because they are able to bend to one’s will. If one is taking criticism from peers, just quote a rapper . “Haters are your #1 fans”. Nevermind if you’re a serial killer or anything like that. “Jealously is a symptom of weak mindedness”, that’s why everyone is making fun of my jean shorts. Yeah, right, bro.
Females are no different. They use Twitter Philosophers to express any sort of problem they are currently facing. It’s always obvious when a girl just got out of a relationship. Once they start retweeting quotes from @TheNotebook, you know some shit just went down. It’s like a buffet. One just picks and choose the quotes that are relevant to them at that time. All those quotes about love and companionship? They only come during that honeymoon stage of the relationship. And of course there are those LaTrace “Sensitive Ninja” Brown Tweets talking about all the things a man should do for his girl. The truth is, those sensitive ninjas post those statuses right after they get finished watching the latest episode of Bang Bus. (DON’T Google that).
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