Back At It: #FirstDaySightings

UF Back. UF Back. Welcome to another school year, The Black Community. We come back from a wholly entertaining and eventful summer, to a rather tame first day of the Fall Semester. Could this be a sign of things to come? Regardless, the first day of class is a great day to watch and predict the outcome of the semester, as well as get a feel for the people we'll be crammed into STATUS with. Let's take a look at what happened on the first day back.

No first day of school would be complete without the requisite people watching throughout the day. Observing the new Freshmen brings back memories of things rarely seen these days. Namely, Southpole, Coogi, Baby Phat and Apple Bottoms. Glad to see those brands are still doing well. If there was a ever a need to see what’s still hot in high-school, the incoming Freshmen are perfect examples. Of course the classic “Freshmen Spotting Tools” were in complete effect. Students walking with their heads in the sky, looking for specific classrooms, rocking the Gator lanyard around their neck. Even more tragic are the students walking and reading campus maps while crashing into everything and everyone in front of them. It’s worse than driving drunk. UPD should get on them, and leave the smokers alone. And no first day would be complete without the “I overslept and  am rushing to class” outfit. Dingy white tee with the “Bacon Neck” (Get that Lay-Flat!), basketball shorts, and Nike sandals with the socks pulled all the way up to the thigh. It’s a classic. It’s up there with the “new fresh outfit!”…price tags still attached.

First Day Black Anger was at an all time high. Lines at the Financial Aid office were full, extending out into the Plaza of the Americas, as students nearly committed random acts of violence to get their hands on Other People’s Money. Let those student’s not get the correct amount of financial aid; UF will look like the London Riots. Pray for those office workers this week, they know not what they signed up for. Working in that department should come with complementary psychological treatment. Advising offices were no different, with trained professionals giving students the absolute worst academic advice possible. We’re convinced that Academic Advisors jobs are to set one up for failure, to keep students here for as long as possible to collect their money. It’s a classic Illuminati scheme. They must be working with Florida Blue Key. Somewhere Bernie “Moneybags” Machen is rubbing his palms with a smirk on his face. The best way to deal with academic advisors is to listen to their advice and do the EXACT OPPOSITE. Trust us.

Finally, The Marston Lounge, Club CIRCA, and The Library West Wing were the sights of tremendous computer abuse. Students were equipped with marshmallows and tents, camping the hell out of ISIS attempting to add that class they so desperately needed. Mice were being slammed, and F5 keys everywhere were broken. Getting those Easy A filler classes are crucial. An easier way to find these classes would be to just follow the Football team around and see what classes they're taking. Walk into any of three aforementioned places, and one would of heard cursing and screaming from The Black Community like no other. It’s like Will and Jada split up or something. Ninjas ain’t shit. What happened to that unobtainable perfect Black Male Stereotype Will Smith portrayed so well. Will Smith was that last beacon of hope for the Black Male race. He was the man that all Black Women hoped Black Men would eventually evolve into. He was the prime example of a successful Black Relationship: loving his wife, supporting his kids, giving up all his personal aspirations and all the other things women force men to do (LOL). Now we only have the Obama Family. Damn.