2013 Resolutions (Back At It)

Welcome to 2013, The Black Community. We've reached the Spring Semester and survived the apocalypse planned by the Florida Blue Key Illuminati. They were probably too busy choosing  elderly rock bands for next year's Gator Growl. We'll all be in Tallahassee for homecoming anyway, so it's not really a big deal.

This semester has the potential to be great, with FISS and all of BHM to look forward to, as compared to the abysmal fall, which had a few parties and one lonely Iota Probate. The Greeks were nowhere to be found, and The Black Community was hidden away in Library West, for once. The Set remained empty as ever, although we give kudos to BSU for Unity Friday.

As we start the Spring Semester, it's important to set goals for ourselves so we have something to work towards this Spring. We're not talking about little petty goals, such as actually going to class during Drop/Add week, eating at Panda Express daily, or constantly watching shows sending The Black Community into oblivion (We looking at you, Shawty Lo) . Make the most out of this semester, The Black Community. We say this because this will be our last semester before we graduate, (unless we go Greek, in that case, look forward to two more years of posting!) so we can't leave The Black Community hanging. Here are the top three resolutions we have for the Spring Semester.

Be Nicer to The Shones - Last semester we really went off on the #HubHeauxs, and the entire The Black Community was introduced to the ladies who do the most important work behind the scenes, that is, servicing our athletes with quality to rival Wal-Mart, although the #HubHeauxs failed us when we needed them the most during the Sugar Bowl. We still got basketball season, so they need to get back to work. We'll support in the stands, while they support in the bedroom.

Keep Our Nightclubs Familiar - While The Black Community was off invading white establishments Grog House, and the latest victim, Simon's, ELITE was stuck with the goonfest every Friday at Status. Finally someone hatched a bright idea on how to reclaim The Black Community. Instead of having the exact same party at STATUS every Friday, change the club name to LIT and have the exact same party every Friday. We'll never know the difference. The Venue gets a new name every month, and an accompanying grand opening party, but we know better. It's a new name on the outside, and the same old Gainesville Locals on the inside.

More Celebrities in Gainesville - Last semester while the Greeks were deciding what to do with their lives, the rest of The Black Community brought in some ACTUAL celebrities. We had Miguel come and melt the hearts of the ladies, and some men too, and ELITE flew the Twerk Team in straight from Youtube and raised The Thirst in Gainesville to legendary levels. Now we got K.Michelle coming into town, fresh off a failed musical career and spectacular ratchet presentation on VH1. Gainesville seems to be the hot place for almost famous people to make a few quick bucks. We know BSU is cooking up something special for BHM so we have our fingers crossed. Who knows, we could have Shawty Lo show up and make a dumb freshman girl his 12th Baby Mama. That's 18 years of Financial Aid. And we know he can pay it, because "Dey Know" is still that monster jam they play in the club. Oh Wait.