Game Over

Yesterday was a momentous event in the Black Community, the season premiere of The Game. Everything in The Black World came to halt as soon as 10pm struck. Violence ended, studying stopped, and weave stores closed. The entire The Black Community was sitting snuggly on their couch, Twitter uploaded, ready to be more entertained by their timeline than the poorly written show. Somewhere a forgotten rapper mistakenly thought the world was hype for his career. Try again, Jayceon.

The Game is a spectacle in The Black Community. A show from the real Black People channel, The CW, cast off to BET, when UPN was trying to rid themselves of their Black image. That’s when they started playing all those reruns of Dawson’s Creek. New episodes of The Game are The Black Community’s own little SuperBowl, happening every Tuesday. If you’ve never heard about The Game, you’re seriously out of touch with The Black Community. Go sit on The Set or something. The hype and awe has made this season the most anticipated one yet, and last night BET was ready to show millions of people why everybody has lost faith in the channel. Because the show is probably the only series to bring in a profit for BET (face it, those reruns of The Parkers isn’t cutting it), BET was ready to milk the multitude of viewers they haven’t had in a lifetime.

BET tricked everybody. Instead of giving us our usual hour-long show, they gave us 20 minutes of terrible acting and 40 minutes of commercials. Melanie would say 2 lines of dialogue and then BOOM! An ad for Motions Olive Oil Shampoo would be right in our face. BET started off the new season off right by confusing everyone with 5 different plot lines. The episode was more confusing than Inception. We tuned to the channel 30 seconds late and were already lost. People are dead? Why do T-Mack’s edges look so bad? Ninjas in Mexico? No Watch The Throne. We and the rest of our Timeline were completely befuddled by what BET was aiming at with this episode. We fear for the rest of the season.

As BET’s #1 money maker, the producers put the majority of the money into “production values”. They should have put it into writing. It’s like we weren’t even watching the same show. The series certainly has come a long way down since it was on The CW. We don’t remember, because nobody was watching the show at that time. Neither was half our Timeline, but they damn sure acted like they’ve been watching since the first episode. In one episode we got Stifler’s Mom, a The Hangover spoof in Mexico, the re-introduction of the laugh track (thanks for the revival), and….Brandy? We still couldn’t even get a coherent plot. Women were dead in garages, and then alive and kicking after the commercial break. The best new addition to the show was the insertion of random music during the most awkward times. Something “dramatic” would go down, and then Kanye West’s auto-tune flop Lost in the World would creep in: “I’m up in the woods…!!!”. Oh. If only real life was choreographed as well. Fail that final? The music starts playing. “I’m up in the woods..!!” Didn’t get into STATUS free before 11:30 and now you have the sad face? “I’m up in the woods..!!”. Auto-Tune Kanye West is now the official soundtrack for failure.

The episode was the most epic 1-hour letdown in history, and Black People Twitter reflected it. Everybody touted how terrible the episode was, but taking part in all the bashing on Twitter kept us watching. The Game isn't about sports anymore as much as it is about creating the most ridiculous drama situations. Jason was bullied by Princess Johnson in his youth, and now only likes Becky Krishenbaums. T-Mack is a drug dealer, Jason’s daughter aged 10 years within 1 month, and where is that White Girl? Maybe she saw the trainwreck the show was becoming. Then Tia & Tamera told Pooch Hall “You are NOT the father”, although it really didn’t matter because the baby was aborted. Spoiler Alert.

Then came the Relationship Forum.

Men were upset and started calling Melanie a whore; well because she is, and Women started defending Melanie because, well Derwin was trifling first! Revenge is only fair. Someone call a forum quick! The Black Community is mobilized. Throughout the episode, everybody in The Black Community came to realize how terrible the show became, and watching Twitter became more entertaining than the show itself. The show has clearly hit rock bottom. We in The Black Community need to stop supporting this vile form of Shone TV. We’ll all be watching again next Tuesday. Then everyone will change the channel as fast as possible before “Let’s Stay Together” comes on. Gross.