The "Underworld"

Well, here we are again The Black Community. We told you that the concept of Undercover Brothers was a hotly debated topic. Since our post on Wednesday, this topic has generated more discussion from our community than the evils of Student Government, the FBK Illuminati, Celebrity Greeks, the failures of FAMU, and typical Relationship Forums combined. The arguments were even intelligent and well written. UF must be forcing English classes into the curriculum. The comments section was more live than The Set. Legions of anons were down there letting us know how they feel. Pause.

In our post Wednesday, we tackled the validity of “Undercover Brothers” and took the high road, postulating that The Gay Community would have no reason to be on the D.L. because it would be detrimental to their cause. With the minority amount of Gay individuals on campus, we proposed that they would be out in the open in order to signify themselves and create a community of like minded-people. With the changing values of America, and the success of Lady Gaga, there is no reason to hide one’s sexuality anymore. Even the most homophobic people have accepted the fact that Gays are real, and don’t have a problem with them existing, as long as they don’t try anything on them of course. Nobody in The Black Community is going to crucify someone for being Gay, we all are too busy trying to determine if Beyonce is pregnant or not. Within minutes of publishing that last post, a bevy of comments flew our way, debating our remarks, and telling us that D.L. men do exist, and that they are everywhere.

And then we got scared.

The whole notion of “Undercover Brothers” living and breathing along with us in secret is frightening. It’s like Communism in The Black Community. It’s the Rainbow Scare. They could be anyone, anywhere, and doing anything. Check your friends, check your homeboys, hell, even check yourself. One could be gay and not even know it. The whole argument from this perspective is that if one came out as gay, they would be Blacklisted. They could be out there on The Set, stepping with their respective organization, while loads of dumb girls fantasize about becoming a one-night stand. They could be out in the Swamp, attributing to the Football Team’s atrocious win record, because they're too focused on the after-game shower. *Shudders*. They might even be in FBK, thus ultimately personifying the values of secrecy and shadiness. They could even be on the E-board of your favorite Student Organization, getting those co-sponsorships the old fashioned way. Similar to how girls get that Easy A from their professor. No Pun intended.

We don’t know if the commenters were actually Gay Men trying to rally their bedfellows (no pun intended) to come out into the light, or salty individuals trying to paint others as gay, again ala Communism and The Rainbow Scare, to ruin reputations, but maybe there is a bit of truth to this. On one hand, a compelling thesis argument that we received asserts that The Black Community isn’t ready to accept the fact that Gay Black Men exist. The Black Community, and we’re paraphrasing LOOSELY here, haven’t watched enough Tyler Perry movies to understand that not all men are Denzel Washington, the epitome of a perfect Black Man, and could just be like those guys from B2K. That one really rattled The Black Community. Millions of Black Women were salty when they realized they had no chance of getting Razz-B. Thus Gays are only accepted in specialized “Gay Roles”. We're talking models striding in bowties and leopard print briefs, and on dance teams doing cartwheels. Even though many straight men would snitch on their Mom for chance to touch those modeling girls during lingerie scenes. Those modeling girls have to be sexually frustrated. And one can't target Gay men specifically by recognizing their wardrobe from Forever 21, because straight men are wearing it too. Oh. We don’t remember how many “Straight” guys said they would have their "homies" do a drive by on us to protect their decision to shop at Forever 21 (LOL). Color us ignorant, but we can’t see guys rolling by with Glocks wearing pink v-necks and jean capris. Sorry. 

We thought The Gay Community had nothing to hide. They do. There’s a whole “Underworld” out there that we didn’t know about. We don’t know what goes on down there, but they appear to be rather organized. They probably even have a website. There might be some public listing of all The Gay Community members out there. They should just come out now and save the salty women the struggle and heartache, that way we can have less bitter relationship forums. They are seriously tricking people out here. A majority of the guys that responded agreed with us, saying that D.L. men didn’t exist, and that they were a fairytale. No pun intended. It's probably because they don't associate with Gays like that. It's the benefits of being straight. In contrast, many women responding pointed out all the D.L. people on campus. They need to stop holding out and release that information to the public How can females spot all the D.L. ninjas on campus, but can’t decipher when they’re dating one? Ugh. Woman Logic.

So what are the D.L. men plotting? Are they setting up a secret takeover to destroy the straight male's way of life? They’ve already tricked women into thinking that watching “Say Yes to The Dress” makes a guy boyfriend material. The situation is like a bad zombie movie. They could already be at work, infecting the community as we speak. No pun intended. Next year, every guy is going to walking around campus with jean jackets and Aldo shoes. Men will be putting down Hennessey in favor of bottles of Moscato. Maybe that’s already happened. Ninjas will stop throwing up gang signs during Rick Ross songs, and scream “Aaaayyyeee!” when Trina Red Bottoms comes on. Goons will stop coming into the club with handguns, and instead come with feather dusters.

If the D.L. epidemic is as real as everyone is making it out to be, then all the D.L. ninjas should have an epic Flashmob and come out on The Set. That would make for more entertaining Set Friday than we had ever seen before. It could be the first Gay Probate. Ninjas would take of their “Straight Mask” and say a speech about hard it was to be Gay while pretending to be straight. Girls in the crowd would exclaim, “See, I knew he was gay, that’s why he’s been ghost on girls this semester!”. That might be a bit much, but there is no point in hiding. The first step towards progression is acceptance. Tyler Perry did it. Drake is next. The ninjas on The Set wearing eyeliner have been doing it for years. There’s nothing to be scared of.