Probate Season

Probate season comes near the end of every semester, and finally explains where our friends have gone for 2 months. People in The Black Community randomly disappear during the semester, and then come out freshly shaven and angrier than ever on a stage one random night. We in The Black Community love these events. White People may have Gator Growl, but we have Probates.

Probates are a spectacle in our community. They are the most anticipated events ever. You can miss class, but you can’t miss a probate. They are the Superbowls of The Black Community. Everybody and their mother attends these things. Greeks are out there in full force in their $500 jackets, guys are jealous they aren't on stage, wishing they were just as cool, and girls are ready to instantly transform themselves into groupies. It’s a wonderful sight really. Friends are out in the crowd with their numbered balloons, even though the whole pledging process is supposed to be a secret. The whole premise behind a probate is that the people coming out are surprising the community with their choice of respective organization. The ironic part however, is that everybody already knows who’s been pledging. It’s rather easy to determine. Besides the obvious disappearance into the abyss, guys can be spotted by their creepy homeless hobo look. The homeboy who used to come dressed in the freshest of gear is now rocking sweatpants and can secretly stash items in his beard. Females are just as easy, because they get rather ugly. Lack of make-up, lack of weave, lack of good clothing, and the girls on line start looking like avid members of a poetry club. It’s a very fun game to play, if one ever gets tried of playing “Spot the Lacefront” on RTS. It’s best to keep up appearances, unless one gets accused of being on line, when really, they just have a hygiene problem.

Probates are similar to a Fantasy Football type of draft. Everything is a power move. Organizations are jocking for specific people with impressive backgrounds to add to their line-ups to strengthen their team. There’s no greater reward than grabbing an organizational president and having them on your line. The people that organizations choose to accept have to matter. That's why when people get turned away they get salty. This isn't a giant human corral like the PC/IFC. Black People are picky. There’s nothing worse than revealing a line of unknown people to the public. It’s a major loss. Quiet Probates are not fun Probates. You won't see LaTrace "Sensitive Ninja" Brown coming out on any line soon. There are some complex dynamics at play here. The dynamic between the Greeks and the Non-Greeks always appears at probates, because the Greeks are secretly expecting to put on a good show for the Non-Greeks. They are the judges of a good Probate Show, and Black People love to ridicule. They even create blogs to do so. After all, a probate is a revelation to the public. The new members could just show up randomly on The Set one day, but that would just be awkward. Not to mention, nobody would be there. The Non-Greeks have to come out in major force to show support for their friends, and get cool points so that they may be able to join the organization one day. Lesser minded individuals use the probate shows to judge what organization they actually want to join. But the ultimate show of compassion between the Non-Greek and Greek communities are with the $200 gifts that are purchased for the new members. It’s like Christmas. The Greek stores can hardly contain their excitement once Probate Season arrives. They know they’re about to get paid. So we’ll all go out and buy those fancy necklaces and t-shirts to outfit our friends in their newfound Greekdom. How cute.

  

For those actually taking part in the Probate, it’s probably the best day of their lives. They come out, and automatically add two extra years to their anticipated graduation date. For some, it’s the ultimate achievement, equivalent to shaking hands with Jesus. It’s the ultimate approval that one conforms to whatever standards they hold dear. It’s an awesome self-esteem booster. Those colors can really make someone believe they are smart, pretty, or disgusting. If only College Advisors could inspire the same way. This is that final accomplishment for some in The Black Community. Reach Greekdom and that is the pinnacle of one’s college career. Then they fade into obscurity two weeks later. For others, they are all over the place, shunning their old friends and leaving them in the dust, and using their letters to propel them to new heights of entitlement. They become Greek Gods among humans. Until they enter the real world. Others actually use their powers for good to strengthen The Black Community. But those people aren’t nearly as fun to talk about.

For those of us in the crowd, the probate is a marvel in free entertainment. We get free music, free stepping, and free strolling. Where else can we have Greeks entertain us for no charge? FISS has got some competition. The only bad thing about Probates is that we have to wait 4 hours for the show to actually start. This 4 hour window is when people start placing bets determining who’s on line and who isn’t. Gambling individuals stand to make some good money if they do their proper research. Accounting and statistics majors could finally find a use for their major here. If someone looks like they’ve been living under a rock for a semester, 75% chance they are on line. The tantamount moment during the show is when the new members actually come out. Everybody in the crowd then proceeds to break their necks to see how many people are actually on the line, because of course, that’s the most important factor of the show. Anything less than 3 members, and the finicky Black Community will not be happy. Just save them for next semester. Then comes the muddled chants, where everyone in the crowd is trying to determine what the hell the line members are saying. It’s a challenge every year. Then the requisite stepping and disses to other fraternities, and acting like girls to make the sororities laugh. Then comes the moment we’ve all been waiting for; the unmasking. The line members remove their masks, and the crowd first has to determine who is this bald-headed individual standing in front of us? Then comes the speech. Also easily predicted. One could make a drinking game for how many times one talks about how difficult pledging was. Take drink for every threat given for messing with their LBs/LSs. Don’t worry, we wont. Non-Greeks are already scared enough of Greeks as it is. Take another shot for every time they claim they are about to run the campus. And finally take a shot for everytime they say “You might not know me, Buttttt….”. You’ll be dead by the end of the show.