THE FINAL FISS

This is the weekend that everyone was waiting for. The time where everybody comes back to Gainesville to have liq pumping through their veins for a constant 72 hours before Gainesville returns to its old boring self again. This was probably our last trip to FISS, but Gainesville put on a great weekend that was probably one of the best FISS shows  in recent memory. And for some of us, we done seen like 7 or 8 FISS shows, because you know, the way my grades are set up...

Friday

Friday was the official start of the weekend, and for a while there, it looked like the weekend wasn't about to happen. Bernie "Pension Perpetual" Machen must have put in a word with The Florida Blue Key Illuminati to bring in a massive storm when he heard there were about to people a bunch of yall pesky Black People in town. And you know Black People don't fuxwit water like that. Hell, at Howard University, Mecca of the HBCUs, you have to pass a swimming class to graduate. And yall ninjas thought it was ALREADY hard enough to graduate college!?!

Struggle Faces were everywhere as the massive amounts of money that were given to Dominicans to get chicks hair LAYED TO THE GAWDS were about to go unused. You don't let a girl who just spent her entire refund check at Archer Beauty not be seen for the weekend.

But by the grace of the Based God himself, the weather cleared and allowed The Black Community to be great. IBC put on a little jam, FX came and went. Twice. Them ninjas were really feeling themselves having an encore performance of an event that people aint really thirsty for like that. They not even the star of the weekend and they trying to inject themselves into relevance. That's like if Mario Chalmers was like "nah, I'm the star player, Lebron does do some nice things when coming off the bench tho". 

We missed the show but we can kinda predict what happened. Sassy ninjas were twirling around in clothes never to be worn by heterosexual men, but its 2014 now, so people are more tolerant of that thing now, if not forced to accept it. People was really in there for the lingerie section (Yall did have a lingerie section right???), with the token fluffy girl striding fiercely with her body still jiggling a good 2 minutes after she stopped walking. Come to think of it, watching two showings of the lingerie might not have been so bad. Ok, Fashion X, yall knew what yall was doing.

The after party was at Levelz, also known as "Some Sports Bar in a Sketch Location". We don't even know if Levelz is the correct name of the place, you know they change the names every  other week. Everybody was in there, ninjas were taking off their shirts, and they were serving liquor until like 4am, so we weren't really complaining. About the liquor part, not ninjas taking off their shirts. Its 2014, but nah.

Saturday

Saturday, in the honor of the late Jordan Davis, The Black Community commenced its turn up right outside the haven of uptight people everywhere, Library West. Marston is where the party is, right on that third floor where dreams of studying go to die, but the real people hung up about their grades be at Library West.

It was only a matter of time before some Chad and Kelsey were posting instagram pics of the large melanin presence outside their treasured sanctuary, talking about "Just another day at Club West smh". Whatever. 

The FISSFEST team screwed over everybody by actually NOT starting on CPT. By the time we arrived, there was a whopping amount of 10 Black People outchea. For a second we thought Bernie "Crank That Pay Pay" Machen had stopped admitting Black People to the school. We could do without those partner schools out in Duval, but for a moment there we was shook. The performances came and went, the Greeks were all strolling in a giant mud pit that was destroying Jordans and Sperrys by the second, and the Sigmas and Deltas came away with the stroll off victories. You're a sucker if you didn't get any of the food they had out there. Oh, and the host was an AKA named IvyBox. *Giggity*. Do with that what you will.

FISS

The Big Moment was finally here, this is what everybody was waiting for. Or not. We finally made it up to the judges table with all the fellow young alumni who were in school while we were here, and realized instantly that we were old. There was a big reveal over who TheSetIsDead was, and surprisingly there was no fireworks and nobody faded us on sight, so that's a small win. It wasn't really a big deal, half of yall still don't know who we are anyways. We're not famous nor a celebrity, we don't even have any booking info in our biography lol

The theme of the show was Jigsaw, but it really should have been Nae Nae or Nah?, because every team that performed had some variation of the dance or that famous phrase in their show. The hosts were some people that we never heard of, although they claimed to be Vine famous. That's two years in a row BSU has done the fiscally responsible thing and hired some Internet Personality to host for some chump change. Those internet famous people just be happy to be in real life.

The male host took his shirt off at some point in the show, and a flash flood occurred instantly. A lot of ninjas had to just give that Kanye shrug and then surrender their queen. A lot of girls were just waiting for buddy to take his shirt off again.

We tailored our scores based on what The Black Community was saying, so in essence, yall had a voice in the judging of the show.  You're welcome, The Black Community.

The AKAs came out first, dressed in Spandex outfits, and we gave them maximum points for appearance off rip. They were definitely catering to the audience and we thank them for that. We don't know where those AKAs were from, but wherever they live, they get a healthy dose of cornbread and our thirst is better for it. Even the white AKA they had on stage was putting some of yall thin mints to shame. They put on a good show and were eventually declared the winners.

The Zetas actually gave the AKAs a run for their money, and that could have been them up their being the champions, but they were tripping. The Zetas were killing everything, stepping well, and then outta nowhere they spent like a full 10 minutes dissing all the rest of the sororities! They really messed up having the big girls don the other organizations colors and show them going into Publix and ransacking the cookie isle. Pretty sure that's illegal. Nevermind the infamous "Zeta Bear" title that you should NEVER say in front of a Zeta unless you like getting faded instantly, but that was just wrong. Oh well.

Then came the Kappapocalypse. We say this because that old school light-skin Kappa  (which ones arent though?) that was in Apocalypse was leading himself and like the million Kappas they had on their team straight to victory. They skipped the Jigsaw theme entirely and was like, we gone do us, yall chill. They had a retirement theme and came out looking like they raided Cliff Paul's wardrobe. Just know if you were in the crowd wearing the same outfit, the Kappas were representing old ninjas. Just trying to help. The Kappa team was doing backflips and all types of acrobatics. They could have done the easy thing and just shimmied for 10 minutes straight into some thirsty girls temple, but they were actually stepping. So even the men that tune out during Kappa shows could enjoy the stepping. The Kappas won easily, but the Sigmas, Ques, and Alphas but on respectable shows as well.

The Afterparty was at loft, or The Vault, or whatever the hell they calling it this week. This was a nice change of scenery downtown, so instead of waiting for 4 hours at the skating rink to not get it, you got to wait right outside the club dodging traffic on university for 4 hours not to get in. And you got to go home at 1:45, none of that pesky 6:00am partying. Seriously, the amount of people trying to get into The Vault complex was tremendous, and they even had 3 different clubs open. If you got there on CPT, you wasn't getting in the club. Entitled girls that always get 1623 likes on they IG photos were super upset when they had already paid $35 for their ticket, were baddd for the night AND still couldn't get in. We were even upset because we had to stand in the Greek Skip Line for an UNACCEPTABLE 30 minutes. It got to point for a lot of people, where they were just like "Fuck This Shit!"

Sunday

Sunday brought the Delta probate, and with it 28 new Deltas. The weather was triflin' again, probably one last attempt by Bernie "Millionaire or Nah?" Machen to disrupt the weekend. But the Deltas proceeded, moving the presentation to the HPNP, which is a nice place when there is plenty of seating, otherwise...yeah. It seemed like everybody and their momma was there, we had to climb over like 5 hoodrats just to be able to sit in the nosebleed section. It was reminiscent of the afterparty the night before, if you came on CPT, you wasn't getting in. Chicks were pulling each other's hair and sleeping with each other's boyfriends just to be able to get a clear view of the probate. Within 10 minutes we had reached fire hazard capacity.

The show started, they did all their greetings and info, and were super live, and then came the unmasking. We went through about 4 new Deltas, and then the host came through and was like "That was cool #4, welcome to the sisterhood, and imma let you finish, but we are moving the probate outside due to capacity and safety issues." It was at that moment that we realized, THE BLACK COMMUNITY CANNOT BE CONTAINED!!!, by the HPNP at least.

We went outside into the courtyard to finish the show, and the rest of the Deltas came out, of course we didn't know anybody because we don't even go here anymore, so don't ask us any names lol. Then they strolled out the Acapella version of "To Be Real" since there were no speakers outside, and then the show was over.

All in all, a very eventful weekend, one that Gainesville should be proud of. We enjoyed coming back and mingling with everyone, and seeing Gainesville turn-up for at least one weekend, regardless if TheSetIsDead or not.