Probate Season is over, The Black Community, and all our friends have come back from their mysterious disappearance. We come off one of the busiest probate seasons in recent history (at least since we’ve been here; our History Keepers from 2006 can probably recall another time from “the good ole days..”), and now everybody is Greek. With the prospect of attending Probates, The Black Community finally shows up in attendance to something since our failed revolution last month. The Set Is Still Dead folks, but Probate Season is alive!
Sigma Gamma Rho – 3 New Members
The SGRhos came this year to remind everybody that they do still exist. It’s been a while since we’ve seen the SGRhos have probates consistently, but we are glad to see them back. The SGRhos had a nice little probate on The Set, where dreams go to die. It was cute seeing all 3 of them, even if we had no idea who they were. They made sure the show was on point, so they wouldn't end up on Worldstar like their now infamous Sorors. They presented the correct information, wore matching outfits, and were actually in-sync. Basically everything those other SGRhos DIDN'T do. Our SGRhos have dignity, so they blessed us with a great show. With some time and effort, the SGRhos can become a strong presence on campus again.
Sigmas – 3 New Members
The Sigmas announced to The Black Community that more ninjas were coming, and all we could think was, again? They brought out three well known Freshmen as new members of their organization. They must be investing in the future, as they know the influx of Black People into UF is on a steady decline. Bernie “2 Million Chainz” Machen’s plan is working exceptionally well. Attendance at the probate was scarce, and we were terrified that this was a sign of the end of The Black Community. A massive downpour before the show kept everybody inside. Black People do not interact with water like that. You know how much perms cost? Sigma Probates are known to rival Waka Flocka concerts in terms of sheer ratchetness, but this year they took a completely different route and made a PG rated show. For probably the first time in history, there was no cursing, no use of the dreaded N-word, no insults to other Fraternities, and no degrading of women. What the entire fuck. The show was so friendly and accessible; it was like watching Blue’s Clues. They could have put the show on PBS and it would be a runaway hit. No pun intended. Nobody knew how to comprehend the cleanliness. We were all mindfucked.
Zetas – 11 New Members
The Zetas traditionally have the most entertaining shows, which is impressive since they don’t force girls to pledge as soon as they enter Preview. The Zetas pulled a new trick in probate antics, as they had new members coming out the woodwork constantly. The fickle Black Community was ready to ridicule the Zetas when they only saw 3 short little Zetas come out. It was kinda cute, actually. But then more zetas came out, and more zetas, and even more zetas! It was like an invasion. The new members continue to add to the current consensus that the Zetas are the baddest sorority on campus. Ninjas will continue to pay high prices for Zeta parties to get the opportunity to creep on them. The Zetas had a good mix of initiates. They kept it multi-cultural, because they don't discriminate, and even took in a girl who could play the violin. That’s a talented line. The probate show nearly became a karaoke sing-along as the line greeted EVERYONE in the chapter, probably going back as far as 1920.
AKAs – 24 New Members
AKA shows are always full of flair and emotion. Each time they pack out the Rion Ballroom with jealous girls, thirsty guys, and past AKAs from the 18th Century. Being the most prestigious sorority, everybody comes to see who the AKAs have taken next. The AKAs came out with a cute little Girl Scouts theme and carried it throughout the show. It was rather impressive, as all the greetings and tributes were based on a badge of some sort. It reminded us of a step show. The new members had on pink tinted glasses, so everyone’s faces were visible, although it wasn’t a complete surprise as everybody already knew who was on line. People were in the crowd with #23 balloons and whatnot, ruining the surprise. One could tell who was coming out just by looking at which friends were buried under pink and green gift bags. Gambling ninjas were placing bets on whether the line would break 30. You could tell who didn’t make the line, because they were sitting in the crowd looking like they just sniffed a homeless person. Maybe next time.
Deltas – 25 New Members
The Deltas had the final show of #ProbateSeason for this Spring, and this was the main event that everyone was waiting for. Getting on a sorority line is more competitive than getting into college, let alone a Delta line, so the entire Black Community was poised to see who actually made it. Females be murdering each other to guarantee a spot on line, so these new members each had to have 5 bodies under them at least. The Deltas came out looking like cute little waitresses in their outfits. Everybody who you guessed was pledging but still hadn't came out yet was on the line. We have no idea how they were ordered, but the heights of the girls were all over the place. The Ace was probably taller than the tail for all we know. The Deltas came out with the best recruiting class out of all organizations. They basically stole the entire E-board of BSU and every other student organization. It’s like they pulled an entire team of Tebows. Next year ol’ Will Muschamp needs to let the Deltas draft in the new prospects and get the football team back on track.
Damn near every organization had a probate this year. The Greek Community got a huge influx of new members, ensuring that we will have step shows and parties to attend for years to come. The members of this Probate Season were actually people we recognized, demonstrating that this Greek Community is now of our generation. Half of our Twitter followers are now Greek, and it is amazing seeing our friends who retweet us the most now donning Greek Letters. It's hilarious seeing when the Twitter updates stopped for the new members of an organization though. They disappear from all social networks for a month, and then come back a completely different person. Apparently the NPHC is really devoted to these new probate rules, and shows no longer begin 2 hours after their advertised start time. Now if we could only get all Black events to get that way. The NPHC Witch-Hunt started by the SS Dean of Students Office does not look to have scared anyone, as people are still rushing to join Greek Organizations. Might as well get in now when the chance of being hazed is at an all-time low. Hell, we might even pledge next Probate Season, but don't count on it.
No comments:
Post a Comment