We Are FAMUly!

Monday marked the 124^th Anniversary of Florida Agricultural and Mechanical University, also known as FAMU, or “That School Where All the Black People Are”. FAMU is that school we always like to compare ourselves against when something goes bad here at the Good Ol’ U of F. “Gator Football team is 0-12? “Well at least we’re still better than FAMU”. The UF admissions committee reverts back to segregation as its student admission policy? “Well, that’s because we don’t want to end up like FAMU”. Naked pictures leak of the community’s favorite shone? “It’s still not worse than that FAMU Sextape, did you see that lacefront???” No matter what tragedy happens on the UF Campus, the consensus within The Black Community is that we will forever be better than FAMU. Which got us to thinking, what if UF was just like FAMU? That is, what if UF was composed of just The Black Community? *Shudders* Cue the ripples and fade to black.

The major difference between the two schools is prominently the make-up of the Student Body. UF is the premier PWI School in the state; with The Black Community being the least represented Minority on campus (except on Set Fridays). While FAMU is Florida’s closet HBCU, and is the pride and joy of Black Schools within Florida. Sorry BCC. This make-up is exactly what defines the Black Student Experience at each school. But, the reason we The Black Community love UF so much is the fact the entire school is NOT The Black Community. In a community of less than 700 (not including those 100 Black People who don't fuck with us..), there’s more drama than a season of Single Ladies. And that’s before the Stacey Dash controversy. There’s even a blog dedicated to account them all.

Now just imagine extending that to the whole campus. Oh Shit. There’s no escape from it. At least at UF, you can shun yourself from The Black Community, and hang out with the rest of the Black Outcasts in the PC/IFC Community, or in the Drama Club. Imagine the values of The Black Community running the entire campus. It sounds like a terrible horror movie mixed with Stomp the Yard or Drumline, but in reality, that is exactly what FAMU is. The whole Black Community here at UF knows each other, and everyone gets together to talk about everyone else’s business. The Bible says that’s how The Set was created. Chuch! Now imagine if 50,000 Black people knew your business. The Shones would Kanye Shrug and keep on shoning, as they were in paradise, but everyone else would be crazy paranoid about what everyone else was saying about them. And you thought girls were already scared to dance in the club! There is then an atmosphere created where everyone is completely worried about what others are thinking of them. So as a competition, a defense mechanism, and a healthy dose of egotism, everyone goes to class dressed as if they’re going to the club. Females be in Chemistry class in 6 inch heels, goons be in Calculus 1 rocking that fresh new Tall Tee from the gas station, and Jean Shorts are a way of life. And the kids who still wear Shaq’s are left to be ridiculed.

Even worse is the Greek Mentality that overruns the school. Take a trip up to Tally Tal, and everyone is Greek. There are Greek Organizations for everything; vegetarian groups (Veggie Phi Veggie) to kids who still collect Pokemon Cards (Losers Totalis). Organizations that you didn’t even knew existed at UF be wildin’ out as much as any NPHC organization, if not better! No Nick Cannon. You haven’t been entertained until you’ve heard that BSU call, or seen that Engineering Club Stroll. Even the Salty Black Women Org has a hand sign; it’s just the middle finger. Organizations lay claim to every piece of property and vandalize it to show ownership. It’s worse than Gang Warfare. There are official trees, walls, buildings, vending machines and dumpsters. Think if that happened here at UF. The Football Shones would have already painted up those tables outside the HUB. We’d go paint Bernie “Moneybags” Machen's BMW just to drive it home ourselves. The worst part is, you have to pledge to join EVERYTHING. You even have to pledge just to join the Gospel Choir. You better lock up for Jesus! Say those 13 Apostles!

In a school full of Black People, all the problems that plague our small little Black Community are magnified tenfold. At FAMU, everybody is Black, so of course, everyone gets financial aid. So much so in fact, that some students don’t ever receive financial aid because the school doesn’t have enough money! The Financial Aid office over there probably looks like the let-out at The Venue on Saturdays. We heard the FAMU financial staff goes out into the back alleys to get loans from Lester Wallace, fully donned in a purple pimp hat and furry jacket. At HBCU’s every day is a party. With so many organizations, and so many Black Students not going to class, there is a collective urge to have a celebration each day of the week. The only time we have a seven day schedule of fade is during Summer B. At FAMU, there is always a block party, club party, house party, or organizational event going on somewhere. Their Century Tower that rings after each class is just a big ass boombox that plays Racks on Racks on Racks every half hour. They see UF as the “boring school”, who do all that fancy “book reading” when they could be out getting drunk. The FAMUly could care less about partying during the week, it’s not like they learn anyway. After all, they are FAMU.

At least at FAMU, where everyone looks like you, it’s certain that the school is looking out for The Black Community. Therefore one always has the best student run programs, although terribly stereotypical, such as Fried Chicken Wednesdays, or Lacefront Thursdays. We’re not making this up. Their homecoming is always a hit, and even attracts us “cultured” PWI attending folks into losing our morals for a weekend. Kevin Hart in The Swamp can’t do that, Illuminati supporter.

But living in the PWI world that we know is not all doom and gloom. There are some perks, like going to the Ethnic Hair Care Section in Wal-Mart, and knowing that everything will be in stock. And not having to worry about seeing all of your homegirls in the hair store. We hear it’s impossible to find Cocoa Butter Lotion in Tallahassee. In the grand scheme of things, the most important thing about the school one chooses is the education. UF might be boring, and The Black Community stale and fragile, but at least you get to learn. The education is so good here that some people don’t even make it through. At FAMU everybody gets in and out in 4 years easy, probably even earlier. The best thing about going to a PWI though is that if one feels like being black, they can just take a trip up to Tally Town. One could go up there, make terrible decisions, and then be back in class on Monday sitting next to Bryce and Chelsea without anyone knowing.