THE FINAL FISS

This is the weekend that everyone was waiting for. The time where everybody comes back to Gainesville to have liq pumping through their veins for a constant 72 hours before Gainesville returns to its old boring self again. This was probably our last trip to FISS, but Gainesville put on a great weekend that was probably one of the best FISS shows  in recent memory. And for some of us, we done seen like 7 or 8 FISS shows, because you know, the way my grades are set up...

Khia on Kampus

(Source)

Somebody get they Auntie. Pictures recently hit the Internet of once relevant female rap artist Khia, draping our precious Orange & Blue over a bulldog covered in ugly tattoos. WHAT IN THE ENTIRE FUCK. Apparently, the pictures are a bid for Grandma "Thugmissess" to run for homecoming queen. No, really. Somebody from FAMU must have set us up. 

The Weekend That Was

We must have gotten lost somewhere in The Black Community, because apparently the first week of April is when shit is on and poppin'. Everything in the world was happening, and the hypeness of last weekend looked like something out of FISS weekend (which alas isn't hype anymore). Everyday damn day some event was happening, and we damn near died trying to attend it all, let alone write a post about it. Check out the reviews of last weekend's big events.

Probate Season 2013

Sunday marked the beginning of Probate Season for us here in The Black Community. Probate Season came early this year, with a Zeta Probate in late February, while most of us were still recovering, with our livers and financially, from FISS. An early probate is technically better for the new members than say, early April, so the Seniors (and Super Seniors!) don't graduate into oblivion the next week, before they even get to enjoy their newfound celebrity status.

BHM 2013

It's the greatest month of the year, The Black Community, and we must savor it because it will be gone in the blink of an eye. Black History Month is upon us. Let's take the opportunity to support our community because lord knows the rest of UF ain't worried about it.

Four (Or) More Years

Source

Dammit.

We knew something was up when we kept getting those long excuses emails supposedly updating us about the presidential search and they were absolutely useless. Oh well, at least we get to shake Darth Vader's cold lifeless hands at graduation. Hold on tight to your financial aid.

"Bernie "All Green Everything" will temporarily stay as UF President":

The search has been suspended: President Bernie Machen isn’t leaving UF right now. This decision comes after requests from Gov. Rick Scott and UF Board of Trustees Chairman David Brown, according to a statement released Tuesday afternoon.                        

Bye Bye Bernie

In what could be the greatest news to ever hit The Black Community, Bernie “Racked Up Shawty” Machen has announced that he will retire in 2013. Darth Vader himself is chucking the deuces on UF and all that leadership nonsense to swim through the pools of money he’s guaranteed in pension. No Scrooge McDuck. This is some next level shit. It's such an important event we had to interrupt our vacation of sitting on the couch to come back and write a post on it.

Probate Season Vol. 2

Probate Season is over, The Black Community, and all our friends have come back from their mysterious disappearance. We come off one of the busiest probate seasons in recent history (at least since we’ve been here; our History Keepers from 2006 can probably recall another time from “the good ole days..”), and now everybody is Greek. With the prospect of attending Probates, The Black Community finally shows up in attendance to something since our failed revolution last month. The Set Is Still Dead folks, but Probate Season is alive! 

Apocalypse

It’s 2012, The Black Community, meaning that the Florida Blue Key Illuminati is hastening their plans to destroy the world in December. They’ll destroy UF piece by piece before finally turning their eyes to The Black Community. But they don’t need much help. The Black Community is already heading towards Armageddon. Bernie “The Finance Furher” Machen and his SS Dean of Student’s office looms over the campus, ready to expel any Black Person that steps out of line. BSU gets less money every year, at least that's what UNITE tells us when they try to brainwash us into voting for them. Nevermind constantly having Black People in executive positions. Finally, The freshman class gets lamer by the decade, making UF the most boring place to live since The Polos. This could be the end of The Black Community as we know it.

Back At It: #FirstDaySightings

UF Back. UF Back. Welcome to another school year, The Black Community. We come back from a wholly entertaining and eventful summer, to a rather tame first day of the Fall Semester. Could this be a sign of things to come? Regardless, the first day of class is a great day to watch and predict the outcome of the semester, as well as get a feel for the people we'll be crammed into STATUS with. Let's take a look at what happened on the first day back.

Make It Rain (Other People’s Money)

Financial Aid has just been posted for most of The Black Community. It might as well be Christmas out here. Shelves in the Oak’s Mall have been picked clean, Black People are out making bad financial decisions, and Elite is about to rake in everyone’s money with “Weekend Ballers” who will be lavishing in their “Once-A-Semester” V.I.P trip. Expect to see a lot of unknown faces in the Skip Line, Greeks. But don’t worry; they’ll be back in the other line with the locals next week.

Pregame Report: Summer B Predicitions

Summer B is upon us, Black Community! This is the time of the year that we’ve all been waiting for. Six weeks full of bad decisions, parties, fade, Greeks, sketch “afterparties”, hurt feelings and occasionally schoolwork that are the best introduction to the UF Black Culture anyone could ask for. Bump a Preview Orientation. One day into Summer B, and we are already wildin' out. Somewhere Bernie “The Arch Nemesis” Machen is trembling in his BMW. Before we roll into Summer B, let’s make some predictions as to how the semester will go. We’ll come back at the end of the semester to see if we got anything wrong (we wont...) and do a recap of the semester as a whole.