The Weekend That Was

We must have gotten lost somewhere in The Black Community, because apparently the first week of April is when shit is on and poppin'. Everything in the world was happening, and the hypeness of last weekend looked like something out of FISS weekend (which alas isn't hype anymore). Everyday damn day some event was happening, and we damn near died trying to attend it all, let alone write a post about it. Check out the reviews of last weekend's big events.

We jumped the gun, The Black Community. Back in the day when we were still drooling over the new Zetas, we predicted that that would be the end of the probate season as we knew it for that year. Turn around, and now everybody and their damn momma is having a probate. Next thing you know the Gospel Choir is going to have a probate. Lock Up for Jesus! Praise Him!

Proabtes

AKA - Before any of the probates that took place this weekend, there was an AKA probate a few weeks back, much to everyone's surprise. That makes two back-to-back Spring Semesters of new AKAs, which hasn't been seen since, uh, never. But nobody in their right mind is complaining about that, of course. The Ks were charging ninjas $2 at the door to enter, under the guise of charity, so everybody was turning up their nose (no pun intended), but this was going towards seeing new AKAs, so it wasn't no thang at all! In the words of the immortalized Soulja Slim; "I'll pay for it!". Roll into the ballroom and it was filled with double digit balloons, or that might have been two different people standing eerily close to another. They couldn't possibly have 56 new members, right? They came out with 30 new members, all gorgeous of course, and did all the traditional probate stuff. Then it was over, and you could look into the crowd and see who didn't make it, all by the look on their faces as if they were eating warheads. So sour.

Sigmas -The Sigmas had their probate that Friday, at Club PLATINUM or whatever they're calling The Vault this week. Previously we had predicted that the Sigmas weren't doing anything this semester since they didn't come out with the Zetas to complete that whole Blue Brady Bunch type deal. We were half right. They did some kind of joint show with the Betas in an "Allied Invasion". Because they are related or something? Who knows. Anyways, FOR THE FIRS T TIME IN BLACK COMMUNITY HISTORY, or at least the 8 years we've been here,  an NPHC organization dropped a line where BLACK PEOPLE WERE NOT THE MAJORITY. No, really. Usually Greeks will drop one White person in there, to please Bernie "Rich As Fuck" Machen, or maybe one Hispanic person who walked into the wrong room during the interest meeting,  but the Sigmas came out with 2 Hispanic Guys, 1 White Guy, and 3 Ninjas. We had to make sure we weren't at the Beta Probate. They supposed to be the multicultural ones. . They went all the way in on that diversity thing, and for that, we applaud them. You'd think the Betas and Sigmas, in their "Allied Invasion" just threw a group of candidates together and then drafted them one-by-one like a game of pickup hockey. Don't get stuck with the black guys! Overall, the probate was well done, definitely not a French Montana concert, like the days of old. One of their best shows yet. 6 new members and sophistication to boot. You might have missed it if you were trying to rub on hoodrats in Baby Phat sleepwear across the street at that pajama party, which we were tempted to do. Our bad.

SGRhos - The SGRhos had their probate on Saturday, amongst all the tumbleweeds and gravestones that have now become The Set. There wasn't that many people there, because most of The Black Community was at home getting ready to make terrible decisions at Champagne Jam. Jerks. We were there reporting for the people, because we're here for you like that. The SGRhos came out with two new members, and they did their damndest for having just the two of us. No Will Smith. #2, the first one in line, had the most beautiful voice ever, even while it was raspier than some creepy ninja in The Venue, ELEMENT, whatever they're calling it this month.  #3 came out super hype and this was supported by the fact that she was Miss CaribSA. You know they do it big all the time. They did the normal probate stuff, and started living for the blue, and dying for the gold per the usual, and then it was all over. Short and Sweet. They must have been trying to get drunk at Champagne Jam too.

Florida Relays - Florida Relays were also this week. We really didn't pay it no mind, because we stay well hydrated. But for some other females, they were sprinting out their faster than the athletes to be seen, in high heels. Rumor has it, they ran out of Gatorade trying to quench the massive amount of thirst in the area, and the damn athletes didn't get any drank! What a shame.  It was  really a sight to behold. On one side of the field were men chiseled from solid marble, and in the stands were rows of parched girls in club dresses and payless shoes. No matter the heat, all that matters is that you look good. Those sprinters must look forward to this event every year, it's like a buffet of women. They just stand up there trying to look their best to be chosen, just like in the slave trade. White Girls were up in there too.  There's nothing more sexier to Heather than a ninja that can run fast. It's still ingrained in them from the 1800s.

Champagne Jam - Bernie "Suit & Bentley" Machen can't keep a good thing down. Still being barred from UF, the Kappas, ahem, Pretty Boy Produktions, put on the always enjoyed Champagne Jam. Nevermind the "Alias" that is a dead giveaway that it's the Kappas. Everybody was in their best dressed, looking like they were going to church, but really about to do un-godly things. It was probably the biggest event of the weekend. The Champagne was flowing, the shones was shoning, and we really don't remember much else. It was like that.  Maybe Rick Ross slipped a molly in the supply of Champagne, and we aint een know it. Luckily the floors stayed free of any fecal matter from dirty ninjas and we didn't have to watch our step as we were stumbling through the venue.

FACES SHOW - Last weekend brought on our annual(?) FACES Show. We really can't discern who actually puts on all the fashion shows throughout the year. Lowkey though it's the most insulting thing ever to get the different fashion troupes mixed up. Call someone from FACES a member of Fashion Forward, they'll stride all over your face. Fiercely. And who really are the models in Fashion X? Anyways, the show was a success, other than the silly name of the show, ArmMANgeddon, don't ask. Sounding like a 2-Piece meal from Popeyes. While we were sitting through Arm & A Leg of Chicken we saw all the usual things, ninjas in gear no heterosexual male would be caught dead in, including furry jackets and the like. There's not much to do during fashion shows expect sit down and watch people twirl, but the show was enjoyable nonetheless.  Good Job.