Miami Break 2K13

It's Monday, The Black Community, Spring Miami Break is over, and we are back in the Ville of Gaines, still recovering from the hangover that was Spring Break. Some of us have still have the liver damage to prove it. As we get back to pretending to listen in class, let's take a recap on the week where everybody goes back to Miami.

If you weren't paying attention, you would have thought that Spring Break this year was Winter Break, and Winter Break last year was Spring Break. Somehow the seasons got switched and ninjas in Gainesville are walking around in coats during what is supposed to be the best time of year. The weather might have something to do with that Groundhog or whatever, but we really don't believe in White People Magic like that.

In White People commercials, ala Target, Spring Break is always shown on the beach, with drunk White Guys being annoying friendly, and White Girls doing something strange for some change, or a camera. The weather is constantly sunny, and everybody is having a good time. Unfortunately, that place in the commercial is Florida. There really is no reason to go anywhere else during SB when we have all those things in the commercial literally in our backyard. They still hanging ninjas in Georgia, and the weather isn't going to get any better going further up north. Technically, you could go to New Orleans, but you'd be gambling with your life.

So that leaves Panama City, which ninjas haven't really got up on yet, and Daytona, which is too close to Bethune, so no. Fortunately, 90% of The Black Community is From South Florida, or as we like to call it, Miami, with the other 10% coming from DUUUUUUVVVVALLLLL!!!. Basically anything south of Tampa is Miami. So going back home for Spring Break is financially wise, not that ninjas care are about being fiscally responsible, mind you.

Each year, the entire Black Community goes back home to Miami for Spring Break, and everybody from the Greater Miami Area *ahem* West Palm, Lauderdale *Cough* will claim they aren't from Miami and end up in Miami anyway. Go figure. Those ninjas from the GMA are so proud. Thus the entirety of Spring Break consists of moving The Black Community of UF from Gainesville to South Beach.

Instead of getting away from everything for some relaxation time, every time you turn your head, you see somebody you know. Most of us are just trying to visit our favorite Haitian restaurant without seeing all of Club Creole in there with us too. No shots to Club Creole, it's just good having some personal time. The entirety of UF is sitting out on South Beach, taking Instagram pictures (but not getting in the water), or getting faded at Wet Willies or Fat Tuesdays. It's like Cantina all over again, but with more skin. During this time you can see who succeed in their resolutions to stay away from the gym this year.

EVERYBODY be in Miami. The Friday before the end of Spring Break is the officially unofficial UF Reunion at KOD. Greeks, Athletes, Alumni, Ninjas that got rejected and went to FSU, everybody. You look around and see 16 year old Freshmen in that thang. Your favorite homegirls be making it rain Financial Aid money on Blac Chyna's unimaginably shaped ass. 95%. The thirst levels in there are astounding.

The final day is usually Miami Jouvert. Or "Gainesville Jouvert Relocated To a Warehouse in Miami". It's basically the same thing. It's a huge mixture of Gainesville students with Miami locals and a few FIU kids who decided they weren't going to study that night. And why would they need to? It's FIU amiright? Mix in unlimited drinks, music from the Caribbean most of us have never heard in our lives, turn off the lights, add water and bitches start getting loose. It's not even appropriate to list the things that go on in there. This is a family website. If you survive, and nobody notices what you did, you'd be lucky to drive back home at 5 in the morning with your dinner still in your stomach (as opposed to on the floor) and no STDs.  

Then comes that sad Sunday where we have to drive 5 hours back to Gainesville to sit in boredom for the rest of semester. It's the most struggle car ride ever.

Until Bernie "Dentist Dollaz" Machen stops raiding our pockets for outrageous amounts of tuition, ninjas are just going to keep staying at home for Spring Break. Luckily we are blessed to live in Florida, so home isn't that bad. Miami and the Greater Miami Area (West Palm, Lauderdale) are indeed dope spots for vacation. Just expect to see everyone from The Set sitting around on South Beach doing the same thing we do in Gainesville, absolutely nothing.