Probate Season 2013

Sunday marked the beginning of Probate Season for us here in The Black Community. Probate Season came early this year, with a Zeta Probate in late February, while most of us were still recovering, with our livers and financially, from FISS. An early probate is technically better for the new members than say, early April, so the Seniors (and Super Seniors!) don't graduate into oblivion the next week, before they even get to enjoy their newfound celebrity status.

The Zetas came out in the University Auditorium, some place nobody had ever heard of before, unless you're a band geek. No offense to all the band geeks, we just know Black People don't really mess with musical instruments like that. Why would you, when you got iTunes and Youtube. Instant DJ! It was a nice change of pace being inside for once, especially because it was drizzling outside, and we couldn't get our weave wet.

The location was a lot better than being stuck in that little pit in Dickerson hall, where you can't see anything because all the new member's friends are holding up a smorgasboard of balloons with their numbers on it.  Wasn't this whole "coming out" thing supposed to be a secret?

Anyways, the Zetas came out in this Cathedral looking room straight out of Harry Potter. The Zetas are fancy. They even handed out concert tickets and whatnot. A true production. Keeping up with the Cathedral theme, the new members came out singing hymns and psalms and all that. Luckily no IG's in the crowd caught the holy ghost or anything. They probably would have ruined their chances of becoming Greek forever.

The Zetas came out DEEP. 14 members in total. The Zetas were doing AKA numbers and still managed to have personality. (no shots!) It must be a good ass time to be a Zeta. They must have an epic party or something coming up. The new members did their greetings, including singing all the Top 40 Jams in the loveliest voices possible. Every UF Zeta Probate you gonna get a karaoke show. Then they did their thing where they greet THE ENTIRE WORLD and then about an hour later it was time for the unmasking.

Zetas of course came out diverse as fuck. They have a tendency for making sure at least half of the line is NOT Black. One of the members was all the way from Malaysia. Half of the ninjas in the crowd couldn't locate Malaysia on a map.

Of course we really didn't know most of the members that came out, TheSetIsDead has been in school for a while. When you go to probates and don't know a majority of the line, it's about that time to hit up ISIS Critical Tracking and see where you went wrong in life. It's time to graduate. It's ironic though, half of the line were following us before on Twitter too, we're not very good friends.

All in all, it was a turnt-up Zeta Probate, as if there were any other kind. Zetas put out consistently good shows, and this one was no different. Props where props are due.

We made a bold prediction the day of the probate, that this would probably be the first and last probate, ahem "presentation" of the semester, since UF is on a witch hunt of the Greeks, and all the remaining Greeks, at least the fraternities, have gone into hiding. Which is a disappointment, because #ProbateSeason is something we look forward to each Spring.

Think about it. The Alphas and Kappas are eliminated off rip. The Iotas had their presentation last semester so they're out. The AKAs and Deltas are in their offseason (yeah, we know aboutcha), meaning that half of the Female Black Community are locking away their privates and trying not to be spotted wearing any particular colors, or doing anything in ELEMENT that would ruin their reputation so they can get in next time. Sorry fellas, twerking will be at an all time low this semester.

That leaves the Sigmas, who usually go back to back with the Zetas to complete that whole Brady Bunch type deal, the SGRhos which are completely random, and the Ques. Nobody knows what the hell the Ques are doing. They just going to do whatever the hell they feel like.

Does this mean that Bernie "Started From a Trust-Fund Now I'm Here" Machen got his way and completely shook the Black Greek Community? Maybe. Hopefully not, but keep your fingers crossed. Pray that our Greek Community stays healthy. Like we said yesterday, if we don't have any Greeks on campus, we at least gonna keep having some Zetas. And thank God for those blessingz.