Black Homecoming

Gator Growl is right around the corner, thus signaling the start of Homecoming for the UF Campus. If you were in The Black Community however, you would have no idea that Homecoming is approaching, seeing as how none of use ever attend Gator Growl, unless of course Kevin Hart is performing for a few minutes. The “homecoming problem” has been prevalent even before The Set died. The Black Community is oblivious to the fact that there are actually other Homecoming events other than Soulfest! We can't blame them either. Who the hell knows what a Goo Goo Dolls is? It sounds like a bad R&B group. Thanks to BSU, we in The Black Community actually have a homecoming to call our own. Although we still keep our dignity unlike our FAMU brethren.

The whole reason Black Homecoming even exists is because The Black Community can’t relate to any of the events thrown during Homecoming. Especially not Gator Growl. The Florida Blue Key Illuminati has complete control over Gator Growl and everytime they SOMEHOW forget about us in The Black Community! They must figure Soulfest is enough. It's similar to how we get tossed February to celebrate our culture. Each year they bring in some old ass band that nobody has even heard of. We’re not even sure the White Folks that go to UF know who these people are. The last time these bands were famous were during the Civil Rights Era. The band members were probably even arguing against civil rights. Hell, The Black Community wasn’t even allowed to enroll at UF at the time! But we're supposed to be excited for Gator Growl. We finally made some headway last year when Kevin Hart arrived, back before he got all famous, and therefore didn't cost as much. The SG Illuminati wouldn't dare drop that kind of cash now. But at least they now have it on their resume so they can claim they care about The Black Community. It's as strong an argument as proving one's diversity by counting the number of Black friends they have.  

The reason why Gator Growl doesn’t ever cater to The Black Community is because it is directed solely towards Alumni, the greatest source of income for UF, after the football team and Gatorade of course. Those rich old white people driving Cadillacs and owning timeshares have excess money just laying around, and can just peel off a few hundreds to give back to Bernie “Got Stacks” Machen. In comparison, the Black Alumni can hardly scrounge up any loose change. Anybody working at Repdials can tell you that. The Black Alumni Club is still relatively young, and can't afford to be tossing money back to UF amongst paying the light bill. It's Old Money vs. Young Money. No Lil Wayne. Money talks, and therefore Grandpa Roger and Granny Betsy have all the say so in determining who performs in The Swamp. Face it, Senior citizens don’t want to hear Drake telling them to “Bust it wide open for a goon ninja, #SoIknowItsReal”.

Therefore, in order to cater to The Black Community, BSU had to take it upon themselves to create a week of events specifically for The Black Community. And props to them for that. So instead of musicians in mid-life crises, we have Formal Balls, Comedy Shows, Game Nights, and Relationship Forums. Everything thing The Black Community enjoys. But as soon as we get into a flow, the Hippies in The Plaza of The America write angry editorials to The Alligator (who’s grand redeeming value is the daily crosswords), complaining about how there are two Homecomings on one campus! That’s what we’ve been saying all along! They must be putting something in that Krishna Lunch. "It's not fair that The Black Community gets their own Homecoming!" The fact that The Black Community breaks their necks to run up to Tally for ANOTHER SCHOOL’S Homecoming might be a little clue that UF needs to step their game up. Hell, half The Black Community are breaking their necks to get OUT of Gainesville during Homecoming Weekend. Drunk White Folks in RV's are not safe. We don't need a Homecoming like FAMU's; full of loud Black People, excessive drinking, bad decisions, and next-day trips to the clinic, but we need something enjoyable. Seeing Anziz Anzari during the height of his 3 month career isn't doing it for us. The Black Keys should put in a good word for us Black Folks, being close to SG is the reason they brainwash us to vote for them anyway. 

Finally, the advent of Black Homecoming brings out our favorite pastime in The Black Community, Pageant Voting. Voting for Homecoming Court is just a big popularity contest anyway but it brings out The Black Community in full force. A favorite hobby in The Black Community is taking pictures of ourselves and spamming everyone's Facebook inbox telling people to vote for us. It's just fun. We haven’t seen such a surge in Black Political Mobilization since…oh wait. It might be all the free fried chicken. Or the cupcakes. Whatever it is, Black people are out on The Set casting their ballots for their favorite people. The SG Illuminati could learn something from this. We WILL vote, as long as it's for something that we care about. It’s why American Idol and X-Factor are so popular. How you think Ruben Studdard won? And where has he been since? Our point exactly. The Black Community isn't going to vote on some nonsense. That takes time and effort which we don't have. Voting between Connor and Kelsey who don’t care ANYTHING about The Black Community isn’t going to motivate us as much as seeing our “besties” crowned Homecoming Queen. No Nicki Minaj.