Smh, The Black Community, Smh. Where did we go wrong? Those students from a Duval County Partner School have started acting up again and have led us down the road to becoming a fully-fledged HBCU. All we need now is a decent Gator Band. No Nice Watch. When the library is no longer a safe place to study, The Black Community has a problem. We have to do better. It’s only a matter of time before the video ends up on Worldstar.
Just yesterday, reports from Black People Twitter came in of a crisis on campus, and cop cars were all over The Set. That’s how you know the crisis was Black related. Turns out that there was a fight in the most gangster of places, Marston Library. We’d put money that it popped off on the 3rd floor. Apparently, two Black girls beat up a White Girl over a power outlet. No, really. Renewable energy is a precious resource out here. The Recession is real.
We don’t know what could have transpired between the 3 girls in the now famous “Mollywhop in Marston”, but it couldn’t have been over anything important. Those homegirls must have been basic as hell. We even heard one of them was pregnant. I can't. We can just imagine LaShaquita on the 3rd floor of Marston on her laptop looking up her next lacefront purchase, or looking at juicy news story on Media Take Out. We’d be on edge too if we couldn’t find out whether Beyonce is really pregnant or not. All of a sudden the dreaded Low Battery warning appeared, and shit got real. Poor Amy was probably minding her own business when the basicness started coming out. So LaShaquita probably went over to Amy and said “Nah lookuh hear, I’m finna use dis outlet”. Amy probably had a compelling basis for why she couldn’t unplug from her outlet, but LaShaquita hit her with the classic hoodrat statement: “And That’s Fine”, and then the weave and Abercrombie started to fly.
Not to support Bernie “Plenty Money” Machen, but this is what happens when UF starts caring more about diversity and just lets anyone in. Letting underprivileged Black Folks into college is great, but we need some sort of filter to weed out the basic ones. We can’t keep teasing FAMU about how terrible their school is, when we have incidents like this happening at our cherished university. The FAMUly is probably looking at us and saying “See, I could of went to UF!”.
What makes the whole situation worse is that there were TWO Black Girls who beat up that white girl, effectively making it a hate crime. The White Community isn’t going to stand for this, The Black Community. Expect to see a rally tomorrow in The Plaza of The Americas, right after all the hipsters get done eating Krishna Lunch. This is not going to go well for The Black Community. Black People are already the most terrifying thing in the world to White People, and this isn’t going to help our image any. The Asians and Indians that typically study there have already cleared out and started looking for a safer place to study. Marston should start smelling a little bit better.
The whole dynamics of studying in the library are about to change. You’re now going to have to study using the buddy system, just for basic safety. Best believe that ninjas are now going to be protecting power outlets with their lives. Marston 3rd floor is about to become Gangland. Ninjas are going to be marking their outlets with graffiti and post up outside their territory. Instead of the Crips and Bloods, it’s going to be the Three-Pronged Clique and the Two Pronged Family. Instead of hearing the latest gossip on the 3rd floor, expect to hear things like: “I wish a ninja would unplug my shit!” and “Bring an extension cord hoe, and it won’t be no problems!”. Ninjas are going to start bringing guns in case somebody gets bold and attempts to interrupt their battery charging. UF might need to hire some bouncers to police the library. Maybe they can hire security from The Venue. Lord knows those old white ladies and Starbucks drinking hipsters won’t be able to stop anything when LaShaquita starts throwing bows. It’s good to see that The Black Community has moved away from fighting over petty things such as men and box perms, and now scrap over scholarship. Anything to get that A+ in Man’s Food.
I feel like it was those same fat black girls always pushing through people in the club for attention there's 3 of em ....there's one wide ass black one thats short and looks like a burnt ass hamhock ..ya'll know da ones
ReplyDelete