Were You There? Techno Tuesdays

Techno Tuesday’s used to be safe haven for white people. They could listen to their techno music, drink, and not have to worry about any of “us” coming in and ruining their fun. It was a perfect idea, something that might only be conceived in the mind of Ronald Regan. Unfortunately for these unsuspecting white folks, they forgot one key point. Black people were looking for the exact same thing. A magical night at a club with no Black People in sight? We’re all over that! Add on to that the magical words FREE COVER and the prospect of white girls on ecstasy and you have a Black Community more hyped for this event than Probate Shows, FISS, and Black History Month put together.

The result of all this was the entire Black Community plotting a secret move to this supposedly “Black Free” event, not knowing that everyone else was doing the same. Then you walk in and..BOOM. The entire Black Community is standing in front of you. Damn! You can’t ever get away from these people. Again, the concept was perfect. Techno and Downtown 101, two words you never hear come out of a Black person’s mouth. Black people don’t even like techno like that. That’s why Usher’s last album was a flop. Oh My God. If you’ve ever been to Techno Tuesday (you’re part of the problem…) you know FOR A FACT that they don’t trip about playing nothing but Techno. We can’t even get a Racks on Racks on Racks Techno Remix, for diversity purposes.

And then it happened. Every week more and more Black People invaded Techno Tuesday, with dreams of a getway from the Black Community, only to be disappointed. The ratio of Black Folks to White Folks began to even, as the happy faces of White Girls started to fade, and the smiles of creepy Black Guys started to rise. It used to be good. The first few weeks, you’d be the only few Black Folk in there, and the white people would come up to you to make you teach them how to Cat Daddy or Jerk. And you’d do it too, if only for the fact that you were the only Black Person there, and it made you feel important as a representative of the Black Community.

Techno Tuesday’s is now that creep spot. You’ll see the entire UF Football team in there, mouths drooling as they look for an Emily or Elizabeth to take home. Lucky for them, when they fail, they’ll still have the LaPortia’s and TaQuasia’s to fall back on. We gotta look out for each other. This is a fair warning. Don’t go into Techno Tuesday’s looking to fist pump with Chad and Hunter, or trying to get loose in the club within the comfort of total strangers. You will be judged to no end. So how do we solve the problem of the invasion of Techno Tuesday’s? Easy. Simply charge $5, add a Greek Skip Line, and play nothing but Waka Flocka Music. Black People will run out of there screaming just as fast as the White People.