Summer Greek Week Round-Up [BONUS!] Now With Extra Alpha!

Today marks the start of the Greek Summer Week explosion. The reason most of us are here for Summer B anyway. Don't plan to do anything productive from this week forward. You can focus on your grades again in the Fall. This year we are blessed to have a majority of the NPHC hosting events during the summer. And the Black Church says Amen. The first week should be interesting, if not a light clusterfuck, as 3 frats are having summer weeks at the same time. Black Community, start choosing where your loyalties lie. Prepare your livers, drop your boyfriend/girlfriend (you can hit em’ with that sympathy phone call afterwards…), and get ready for a rash of bad decisions, Summer B is here. With that said, let’s look at each of the summer weeks and present you with what to expect.

Krimson N’ Kreme Weekend June 30^th- July 4^th.

The Kappas wisely picked the first weekend of Summer B for their summer week, ready to capitalize off the incoming freshman crowd. The girls are still dumb, susceptible to come over after midnight to “Just chill” and haven’t yet dealt with the effects of “haters” judging them for their actions in the club. It’s a tough world out here, Black People. The realities of the Black Social Structure are about to hit them like a brick wall once the summer is over. The Kappas even have a snazzy promotional website. You had better own a decent computer though. With all the Flash used on that site, if you have one of those Wal-Mart Laptops, your shit is going to burst into flames. If you’re trying to get a dumb freshman girl, this is your last chance before they go through that “Kappa Phase”. Freshman girls come to college knowing NO Kappas, but wanting to smash ALL Kappas. Talk about name recognition. Contrary to popular belief, the main profiteers of Krimson N Kreme weekend is not the Kappas, nor the female community, but rather, SCAVENGER NINJAS. These lowlifes will be at all the events, hovering and waiting to strike at all the sad girls that didn't get any Kappa attention. Leftovers. Let a girl wear a white shirt to that Waterballoon Fight, those scavenger ninjas will have a field day.

Iota Summer Week July 3^rd-9^th.

The Iotas come into their summer week facing a predicament. The beginning and end of their week is actually during 2 other Frat’s weeks. They took the high road though and co-sponsored most of their events with the competing frats. Awwww…look at that NPHC unity. For most freshmen, this will be the first exposure they will have from Iotas. Expect for new students to have that confused look on their face when you explain that there are actually 9 organizations in the NPHC. Whoa. Since when? The Iotas have obviously been watching lots of Science Fiction movies, with a Video Game Tournament, a Nerf Ball Battle, and a Glow in the Dark Party lined up. Expect next year for them to sponsor rocket rides to The Moon. The events are allgeared towards the “Cool Crowd”, so prepare to see lots of brightly colored Nikes and Ironic Hipster T-Shirts from American Apparel.

Omega Psi Phi Mini Week July 6^th-9^th.

The Ques Back! After a brief hiatus, the Ques have returned to the Summer Week extravaganza. (Can we get Bruhz Block back too…? We missed it!) The Ques will do a fantastic job of showing out and have everyone running and screaming for their mother. No matter how you feel about them, the UF Ques do a great job of being Ques.  Just watch out when they’re strolling in the club, unless you’re trying to get kicked in the face. Expect a lot of girls who are into S&M and Domestic Violence to be in the front row for all the events. And props to the Ques for that $1 Masquerade Jam. All us broke college kids will be in there after stopping by McDonald's for that Dollar Menu Dinner. Independents will be there rocking masks finally living their dreams about being in a probate show. Until the party ends, that is. But whatever you do, please don’t wear any Bill Clinton or George Bush masks, that shit isn’t funny.

Blue And White Weekend July 10^th-16^th.

Lesser minded “special children” will be confused, but Blue and White Weekend is actually a week long. It's such a massive showing that no other Frats would dare try to have a week during it. Sorry Iotas. BnW Weekend isn’t as much as a Summer Week as it is a Royal Family Family Reunion. Everyone else just has to pay to attend. Sigmas and Zetas from all over will be in Gainesville for the entire week. Gainesville locals will be dressed in blue impersonating Sigmas and attempting to get in the parties for free. Be careful. As always, the Sigmas pull some trick out of the hat for the week, and this time they got Transformers 3. For the free, Black People! Not even Gator Nights could do that. Somewhere the Reitz Union is looking real salty. The Sigmas must have dropped some serious cash for that to happen. Ladies, if you’re about that golddigging life, you might need to see about bagging one of them.

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 [BONUS] WE FORGOT THE ALPHAS!

Alpha Summer Week 2011 July 27^th-July 30th

Coming at the end of the party (and at the end of this post….) are the Alphas and their summer week. The Alphas traditionally always are the last greek week of any semester, and they keep their events super secret, so much so that we even forgot to put them in the original post! Our Bad! To be fair though, they did have a radio advertisement for the kickball game. You know how the Alphas like to hijack the radio. Remember Ape Escape? They'd be real to broadcast the kickball game on the radio though and call out all the spectators wearing Jean Shorts in the middle of the summer. For shame. But the best part of Alpha week might not be the events at all, but rather THE MIXTAPE. The mixtape is so hot, that you could probably sell it BACK to those creepy ninjas at bus stops trying to sell their own mixtape. "G-Nasty Da RTS Gangsta" might cop just so he won't have to listen to his own trash music. We’re still playing the tape from last year, bump a new Big Sean album. We're looking forward to the “Blame Game Alpha Dating Game”, Co-Sponsored with #TeamRedundancyTeam, and the Rep Yo City Jam. Should be interesting. Let’s just hope those freshmen from DDDDDDuuuuuVVVVallll!!! don’t show up. They might think the Alphas are throwing up gang signs. We could have a problem.