Financial Aid has just been posted for most of The Black Community. It might as well be Christmas out here. Shelves in the Oak’s Mall have been picked clean, Black People are out making bad financial decisions, and Elite is about to rake in everyone’s money with “Weekend Ballers” who will be lavishing in their “Once-A-Semester” V.I.P trip. Expect to see a lot of unknown faces in the Skip Line, Greeks. But don’t worry; they’ll be back in the other line with the locals next week.
Financial Aid Day is that time every semester when The Black Community is unexpectedly happy for no reason. Nobody is worried about bad weave and Lacefronts, nobody is commenting on Jorts or FUBU Jerseys (They still out there…), and salty females stop retweeting relationship quotes on Black People Twitter. Everything is good in The Black Community. But you know what that means. When Black People are happy, the rest of the world is suffering. Right now is the worst time to be working in the Financial Aid Office. God Bless them this week.
We’ve said it before; you can’t mess with Black Folks money like that. It’s an unacceptable offense. You can touch a Black Girl’s hair, but you can’t touch her Financial Aid. You can tag your “boyfriend” for the month in that romantic picture on Facebook (before he finds out), but you can’t mess with that Ninja’s Financial Aid. Walk into that office at any point this week or the next, and you’ll see hundreds of screaming Black People, eyes red, mouths foaming, ready to receive that money they were promised from Somebody else. It’s what Hell must look like. Or the Welfare Office. We’re surprised UF hasn’t yet implemented bulletproof cubicles for the tellers that work in the office. You know those Freshmen from Duval are attending UF, they gonna want their money too. They might want to actually put those bicycle cops to use as security, rather than harassing the Hippies at The Plaza of The Americas all day.
It's going to be a great week for The Black Community. Ninjas will be ballin' in those new J's that came out like 5 months ago when they didn't have the money to afford them, and women will be rocking their new weaves. Somebody smart should use this opportunity to capitalize on all this Black Money floating around. You know Black People love to get rid of their money like it has AIDS on it. Where's McDonald's and their "culturally aware" commercials to sway The Black Community? "You better Retweet that Sweet Tea Tweet, Jerome!" We'll all be ballin' the day UF blesses our accounts with that Financial Aid, but we'll all be broke and salty within 24 hours. It will be quickest turnaround in Black Emotion you've ever seen. Only to be rivaled by a Tiffany Green speech. Oops...we meant Rihanna.
The Black Community puts a lot of stock in ensuring their Financial Aid is correct. If you want to see some Black Activism, now is the best time to document it. If The Black Community were as driven to receive their Financial Aid as they were in other endeavors, we could have actually have a large presence in SG Voting, be respected by the IFC/PC Community, and maybe even revive The Set (Just Kidding). We don’t blame The Black Community though, it’s hard out here for a pimp. In a college world where we celebrate $3.50 gas, Chipotle is a 5-Star restaurant, and girls aren’t smashing for a Redbox and a McDouble anymore, it’s our money (not really…) and we want it now! JG Wentworth would be proud. With Bright Futures disbursements being equal to a trip to Mochi’s (No Toppings…!), and Bernie “Evil Genius” Machen raising tuition so he can drive his BMW, we in the Black Community need to keep hold of our money for as long as possible. Or until there’s a Primer ELITE Party. The University of Florida is out here cutting our money-saving options. Shit, they already took Taco Bell. It must all be a ploy from Rick Scott to keep us Black People out of college once and for all. Not Really.
LMAO! This was hilarious.
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